On Approaching

So you wanna go out there and start chatting up guys & girls to get some practice. Whether you have your inner game ducks in a row or not is not that important; the important thing is that you're trying to better yourself. You want to approach like a machine, do it often and do it with purpose.

It's like driving, you can read about it all day long but until you actually go out there and practice, you'll suck at it.

How can you, with all the advantages of modern Western civilization, not even go out there and approach people? You are not dying of disease, you are educated and have a social and family network. You can eat anything at any time, you can buy clothes that don't even serve to protect you (think survival in the Serengeti desert 40,000 years ago). You have a HUGE advantage over your ancestors, and they obviously didn't have a problem on the approach so why should you?

Let's look at a few pointers....

• 'There is a mutual understanding that she doesn't want me to approach her' I guess we've all been there: you look at a girl, she looks at you and you get that feel that she doesn't want you to come up to her. What's wrong with that picture? EVERYTHING! First of all, none of us are mind-readers, so don't succumb to your own excuses (if she rejects you, that's another topic). Second, women *love* the attention that guys give them. Sure, sometimes they get a little annoyed by it, but it also validates them. Everyone wants to be loved and adored. Lastly, don't use that magnificent brain of yours to block your way, use it to make a path! What I mean by that, use your mind for positive affirmations, not negatives ones.
• You can't lose what you don't have. Don't think she'll rob you of your face or self esteem if she blows you off. She doesn't know you! The only reason she gets away with taking that from you is because you let her. Make the approach about you, not her, and you will always come out on top, no matter what the outcome is.
• It doesn't have to be a great line, it just takes the courage to deliver it. A woman will give you credit for just making the approach. It's intimidating, we all know it. Women know it too! Imagine you walk up to a table with a bunch of beautiful women and you start talking to them. Even if the girls blow you off, they will respect you for coming up to them.
• Using simplicity and charm can be very effective for disarming her and giving her comfort. Don't worry so much about some elaborate story or opener, just get in there and lay on the charm. The so-called smooth talkers and naturals just have that flow that us regular guys are trying to learn. With enough practice and ingraining it into your head, it will become second nature!
• You walk in with nothing. Even if you walk out with nothing you will have gained experience. Nuff said.
• Just because she's with a guy doesn't mean it's her boyfriend. Watch their body language...if they're standing there, laughing, being playful/physical, chances are it's not her boyfriend. More likely a coworker or that 'nice guy' that's there just to appease her (do not EVER fall into that trap! You're much better than that!). And hell, even if it is her boyfriend, doesn't mean that they don't have other friends....and things can change over time ;)
• Nothing matters except for the present. Do not get caught up in the rejections of the past or the mental defeat of the future. THIS moment is the only one that matters. This is where alcohol gives you that liquid courage, when you're buzzed or drunk the only thing that matters is the now. Create that environment for yourself without the help of booze.

So, now that you have a better understanding of what's important and what's not, let's move on to actual openers (or pick-up lines as some people call them, although you'll see that's almost an oxymoron), which I will cover in my next post.

Growing Confidence

I'm sure you've heard girls say, "He just needs to be confident" or "Confidence is sexy". If you have to ask yourself if you're that confident guy, chances are you're not. So what do you do? You don't just take a magic confidence pill and bam! you're confident...no it doesn't work like that. What you can do, however, is learn about what it means to be confident and adopt it into your life style.

So what does it mean to be confident? Let's look at some characteristics of the perfectly confident man:

• He is unaffected by the outcome. Whether a situation (esp approaching girls) has a favorable ending or not, it does not affect you. Not in the slightest!
• He stays calm in the face of danger & rejection. This ties in with the point above, you always have to keep your cool no matter how shitty the situation is. No one looks up to the person who is losing his marbles or throws hissy-fits.
• He errors on the side of action, not inaction. You will not lie on your death bed regretting the things you did; you will regret the things you didn't do. When you're on the fence about doing something, do it! You will only learn from the outcome.
• He is not afraid of anything. Whether it's dealing with the cops, or approaching the Hooters waitress, or confronting drama, a confident guy is not afraid to get his hands dirty. He is the first to take the blame without being asked.
• He gives honest compliments and comes from a place of equality. You can't the 'that guy' if you continually see people higher or lower than you. We're all human, we all have 24 hours in our day, we all eventually die. Even the drop-dead-gorgeous-perfect-10-model is still a human being.
• It becomes his world because he acts like it already is. This goes back to the 'the world is mine' affirmation. Don't let the world / society dictate who or what you should be. Set your own rules and follow your own ways.
• He is confident because he is competent. If you do something long and often enough, you will become more at ease with it. Any problem or social situation can be dealt with easily once you have the knowledge, experience and tools.
• He moves very little, and every movement is purposeful and calculated. Have you ever noticed that people that need to draw a lot of attention to themselves usually have a lot of movement (most notably, they look around a lot)? Or how about, the low-status guys always have something to say, just for the sake of saying it without adding value to the discussion? Part of being confident is to just let go and not worry about every single little thing.

You can't wake up one morning and be confident. But you can start living a confident life, even if you have to fake it 'till you make it.